Other than my head being buried in a book 24/7, or more accurately my phone or iPad on the kindle app, I've also been contemplating what I want to do with my life. Yes, yoga was a dream and I finally completed my certification... but then found that it remains challenging to teach with my kids still so young. On top of that it also means my own practice has slacked off so much I have to wonder if I should be teaching right now. Not having a husband I can trust to leave my kids alone with, for fear of him drinking the moment I walk out the door, started to make my dream more an anxiety filled task. At the same time, feeling trapped at home with my only role being "Mommy" has made me realize I am not the mother I thought I would be. Or could be. Most of the time I don't even feel like I'm a good mom.
My solution... I need to go back to work. I need time away from my kids so I can regain patience and enjoy their sweet little smiles and intoxicating giggles. The problem... I don't have an overwhelming passion to do much of anything. Other than teach yoga... but I can't exactly teach 4 classes back to back every day without burning out quickly. So, in between my reading and the typical mommy duties... I've been brainstorming how to bring a bit of happiness back to my life via some sort of work I desire to do outside of the home.
My favorite job was a Starbucks barista. That and my waitress job in south beach. Since I can't exactly pick up and move back to the beach, I think my solution is to find a cute little local coffee shop and get back to keeping the community awake! While I'd love to go back to getting a "real" paycheck, I also do not want to add to my stress level. Being a therapist isn't the most stress free of career choices so... making coffee... that I can do. A barista is nothing short of a daytime bartender anyway and we all know a bartender is as close to a therapist without the need to confidentiality as you can get. Couple that with some yoga classes, and hopefully a number of privates to make child care worth the cost, and I just may be able to reclaim a piece of that ever elusive happiness I'm always seeking. If nothing else, a consistent break from my sole role of mommy so I can get back to enjoying the most important "job" I have. The only one that really matters. And there you have it. My big plan.
Though our upcoming move has left me with a bittersweet feeling and the anxiety of finding that "perfect" home has finally come to an end, as of today actually, I'm slowly allowing myself to feel a small sense of hope. I gave up allowing myself to feel hope some time ago; around when I realized I wasn't going to leave my husband and he wasn't going to fight the alcoholic in him hard enough to overcome it either. So to even feel an inkling of hope right now is a rather foreign emotion and I'm not sure how to react to it. My first instinct is to push it aside because allowing hope to surface has only left me feeling hopeless far too many times over the past handful of years. I'm fighting that urge though. With a new home on the horizon and a solid plan in place to get myself back out in the world of the living, I think allowing myself to feel a bit of hope is a positive first step in the right direction.
In the meantime... there's the fun parts of moving to be accomplished like getting our new doctors in place, or old ones reestablished, getting the kids into a new school, packing... again, getting on the schedule at a yoga studio or two, changing our address...again. And of course there's many more of my vampire, witches, werewolves, fairy and other supernatural creatures apocalyptic filled drama and love stories left to indulge in.
So my friends, here's to giving hope another shot. And may you never lose your hope like I did. It's really no way to live.
Namaste.
And as promised... My "recent" book list. Recent as in about the past 5 months. Like I said, I have a problem! Yes, I've read all of these. Some a couple of times. And I may have missed some as formatting all this was a pain in the butt! Some are for an adult audience, which I didn't realize at the time, but they were excellent.
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| Giving the werewolves some love too. 2 in this series and definitely for adults only. |
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| There's 5 or 6 of this series depending how you buy it. Very unique. Can be more violent than one might like but it's cheap and very good. |
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| I hate to even say I read this series b/c it said it was going to continue with another trilogy and then the author just went MIA. But it was interesting... with no real ending. |
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| Loved this series. 3rd one in trilogy is not released yet. Check out author's page here.
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| 6 in this series. Last one to be released in May. 1st one is a movie already. Read them all in 5 days! Check them out here. |
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| There are 10 books total in this series (Vampires Realm) and a few shorts you can download for free here. Loved them all. |
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| Only read first 3. Another adult read. Same author as Vampires Realm. Sharing my supernatural love with angels :) |
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| Yup, read all 13. Prefer the original author but I was hooked so I kept on until the end. More to come! Order to read is here. NOTHING like the show. |
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| My most recent read. Cried my eyes out during book 3! Unique, action and epic love story! |
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| Just a good romance series. No supernatural stuff. Series is here. |
