Take A Compliment

I've been wanting to write for a good week but couldn't find the time. Nothing new there really. All my chatter was getting a bit obsessive though, and it wasn't the good kind of obsessiveness. I wasn't growing or learning. Mostly I was frustrated over some things people were posting on facebook and then I wouldn't be able to get the things out of my head. As you know, I'm often stuck with my facebook app as my main form of adult "communication" during my day. Mostly it keeps me sane by keeping me connected to old friends and people over the age of 3. Though sometimes it drives me a bit insane when some of those people act more like my 3 year old. I refrained from commenting on these things that stuck with me, which is probably why my selftalk bolted to the insanity stage. I was prepared to just vent about all this but felt uneasy with that post, so I decided to wait until later.

I didn't see the benefit, other than getting it out of course. And let's face it, sometimes just a plain old bitch fest feels good. But really, who cares?! I wanted it to not bother me more than to bitch about why I was annoyed. As it turns out, I never got around to writing my post. As always, the universe put up a big flashing neon sign tonight with an arrow pointing me towards growth and acceptance, rather than being being stuck and focusing on silly things.

Where did the universe show me this neon sign you might ask? At my yoga teacher graduation ceremony, of course!

Here's the thing, I was nervous for our graduation dinner tonight. Not for why you might think. I was sure we were all actually graduating! I was nervous because our final on Monday was unexpected. I was fully prepared to discuss the 8 limbs and chakras; our modified ashtanga sequence that we taught, modifications to each pose we learned and everything in between. Instead, we were instructed to write a handful of "nice" things about each of our classmates. I say "nice" because I don't remember the exact words used, but essentially I wrote what I appreciated about my classmates and teacher, what I valued and learned from them and quite simply the light I could see shining from each of them. Our instructor collected these compliments and I had a feeling she was going to do something with them for our ceremony. Of course that's what she did. That doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out.

The problem? I don't take compliments well, especially not in public. I mean I really, really feel uncomfortable when people compliment me or tell me all the good things they see in me. I get anxious, fidgety, avoid eye contact and I simply don't know what to do with myself. It's worse than public speaking, or close to it. Which is ironic since I'm about to embark on teaching yoga to groups of people! I also used to do public speaking at high schools after I was in recovery from an eating disorder. I spoke about my experience, for an organization my therapist had founded, hoping to help others towards the path of recovery or to prevent a young girl from developing an eating disorder. I remember liking it, not fearing it. But I was a hot mess for any presentation I had to make or speech class I was forced to take over the years! I think I've become more nervous as time went on too. Which is also ironic since I'm more confident in who I am, more connected spiritually, stronger in character and far more mature. It's one of the many paradoxes of my life!

So, where is all this going? Well, as I was trying very hard to make eye contact with my yoga instructor as she read all these wonderful things she and my classmates thought of me, I had this brilliant idea that all the things she was saying would make a great blog post! What better way to accept these compliments then to really and truly take them on as a part of how I see myself? Sort of like my ever popular I Am post (click link to read)... but a 3.0 version... and through the eyes of others. I thought it might be just what I need to get over this hurdle of fearing public speaking and disliking compliments all in one giant leap. So, here goes... in no particular order, through the eyes of my fellow yogi and yoginis...

I Am....

Faithful, Honest, Hard-working, Maternal, Feisty, Kind Hearted, Thought Provoking, Generous Natured, Gentle of Soul, Lion Hearted and Amazing in Spirit, A Graceful Writer and Way Bringer, A Loving Presence, A Phoenix if Spirit, A Joyful Soul, Beautiful Hearted, A Witty Wisdom Seeker, A Wisdom Sharer, Fearless and Fierce, Balanced, Open to New Experiences and People, Eager to Learn, Inspiring, A Multi-Faceted Gem, A Wowza Yogini, A Strong Woman, A Light to Others and my favorite, F***ing Awesome! I stand up for myself, have a steady voice and a dynamic spirit. I'm most associated with Vrksasana, or tree pose.

Wow....

The symbolism of hearing I am associated with vrksasana is empowering for me. A tree is strong and knows where it stands in this world. It's firmly rooted yet easily sways in the wind and can be rustled by the rain. It shares what the universe has given it with others; oxygen, shade, shelter and food. Yet it's still vulnerable. A tree may fall but others will be planted and grow strong like the last. To me that's a good life. I like seeing myself as a tree.

Hmmm, there's no coincidences!
My blog picture is of tree pose!!

Typing this list was so much more powerful than hearing these compliments or even reading them. I could feel these beautiful attributes that others see in me attaching to who I am with each stroke of the key. I actually felt my body warm; my heart soften. I smiled as I typed them and laughed that after all these years and after how much I've grown, "feisty" was still in that mix! My husband enjoyed that one too.

Seriously though, there's something to be said for this little experiment. I'd encourage others to try it. Everyone receives compliments or praise. Probably more than we think. We may not always listen. Next time someone tells you how awesome you are, try to hear them; to feel it. Maybe write the way others see you in an "I Am" prose. You might just find yourself as full of love and gratitude for the individual you are as I'm feeling now. It's a beautiful thing to compliment yourself. Who woulda thought?!


PS- Thank you to my fellow yogi and yoginis for helping me see the light in myself that I was blind to.    Namaste!