Accepting "Coincidence"

I started a different post the other day. It was one I've been thinking of writing for some time and after my second weekend of studying yoga sutras and meditation something made me think, now's the time. Then, it just wasn't flowing. And I was tired. And I promised a new post. And I really do need to write.

So, here I am. Still tired. Still no post. And my head still full....needing to write...unsure what I have to say. Sometimes those go with it ones turn into the best things a person writes though so here I am.... going with it.

The yoga sutras are intense. Meditation is still challenging. Yoga is so. very. much. more than I ever dreamed of. All in all, I don't think I was fully prepared for what was in store for me when I embarked on this yoga teacher training journey 4 & 1/2 months ago. And all in all, I've learned and grown more from these past months than I have in a very long time. Possibly ever.

I've always been an introspective person. Even at a fairly young age, I knew myself pretty well. I could analyze why I thought things or acted certain ways and usually had pretty clear answers. That doesn't mean I acted on the things I understood about myself, or changed my behaviors. In fact, I went through quite a few years of unhealthy living and plain old stupidity. The typical adolescent/young adult thinking that, oh, that stuff only happens to other people, I can do it and nothing bad will happen to me. I was lucky. Nothing truly awful ever did happen. Though at some point, thankfully, something clicked and I stated living the way I think. Some might say I started to give a shit about myself. I started to respect this life I was given.

I don't always make the best decisions for myself. I question many decisions I do make. I continue to have a tendency to dwell on the past, past "mistakes", as well as worry incessantly about the future, especially the well being of my children. I have fought most of my life to remember to live int he present. To accept what is for simply being what it is. To have faith that each path I take is the path I am supposed to be on because that's what was meant to be.

I never thought that yoga, this physical practice consisting of some cool postures that sometimes seemed physically impossible, yet I was naturally good at them... go figure... would be this vessel that would teach me how to be me. How to truly be me. Yoga was something that gave me an opportunity to get out of the insanity of my head for an hour each week. I felt good after a practice. I felt at peace on my mat. Yoga was something I recommended to everyone because it just seemed like if everyone did yoga, the world would be a bit happier, better, the way it should be. I never dreamed that yoga would teach me the path to accepting. Simply accepting. All that is, all that isn't, all that will be. I never considered that yoga really is the path to repairing the world, an integral part of my Jewish faith.

So, my head is left spinning. Spinning through all these thoughts and beliefs, self reflections and spiritual growth. I've been considering a yoga teacher training program since 2007. I looked into the online ones for simplicity sake and decided if I couldn't do it "for real", meaning go to India and train with a "true" yogi then it just wasn't enough for me. I put it off and reconsidered a couple more times when I was in Lancaster but two babies in three years and a 7 month training program sort of put a wrench in that idea.

So, is it a coincidence that there is only one certified teacher training program in the entire state we now live in... and when I finally sought out a yoga studio to get back into practice that's the only studio I could find near me, despite knowing of a handful of others now... and that she was offering a training program a few months after returning to my mat... and that class almost didn't happen for lack of participants and at the last minute two more yogi's decided to take this journey? All that, when I was desperately missing my spiritual presence due to the lack of a young Jewish community here. I was sinking under the anger of my husband's alcoholism, searching for answers and unsure of where I even wanted my future to go. I thought I was going to learn how to become a yoga teacher which would simply help me stay sane, give me a break from the stay at home mommy gig that some days drives me over the edge, and provide me with a source of income, maybe even a sustainable career should the day ever come when I needed to financially support myself and the kids. That's what I thought I was getting anyway. Turns out, I discovered the path to bliss. Should I fully accept the answers I discover along the way of course... and just let go. So, is all of this merely a coincidence?

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence.

Oh that Jethro Gibbs... he must be a Yogi!

Each choice we make really is meant to be. It may not always lead to happiness. Though, happiness is all relative anyway. What makes one person happy may not be the same for another person, but contentment is within everyone of us. If we search, if we want it, if we accept it once we discover it, it's there waiting for us. My hang up always comes in the acceptance part of things. In making peace with what is. Hey, no one is perfect! I certainly am not. But I won't give up the good fight.

So in a few weeks I'll be a certified yoga instructor. I may not be using my degrees that I spent many years and a ridiculous amount of money on, but I'm still without a doubt on the path I was destined for. I'll be able to help others find their peace, and sanity, through the practice of yoga... an age old solution to the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind. And I get to do all this by simply doing something I love. Now that is a beautiful thing to embrace.

Namaste