Since I continued to have my mind boggled by poop daily I of course have to share with my husband throughout the day. Common texts include.... What did you feed this child? My God, this kid's diaper could wake the dead! Seriously, another shit? You're changing diapers all weekend. And if he's in charge I'm still thinking about poop while away... Has she pooped yet? How bad was it? What? No more cheese! Oh the list goes on and on. Upon walking in the door, it's not uncommon that the first thing one of us says has to do with poop. It's not uncommon to call each other for the sole purpose of discussing the kid's poop. We laugh about the kid's poop, we worry about the kids poop, Craig gags at the kid's poop and at the worst of times I've had to obtain samples of my dear daughter's poop, on a couple of occasions. I mean, seriously, there's GOT to be a better way to run tests on a kid's poop! If you never had to do this, I won't disgust you with details. If you're not a parent you are probably feeling a bit nauseated by now anyway or at least uncomfortable with the use of the word poop being used so often and freely. Less than 3 years ago I would have probably been both. If you are a parent, well, you are probably nodding and even laughing as you start to reminisce about all of your poop stories. Oh the poop stories we have!
Some parents save their babies first tiny shoes or cap, we saved the little book I used to keep track of our first born's feeding, peeing and pooping for the first few weeks. Yes, we were like most impressionable new parents and actually kept track of that nonsense! I'll never forget Craig's reaction when he came home after my first day on my own and I showed him that list. He thought I made it up! How do babies poop 12 times in a day?! My gosh, why don't people tell you this BEFORE the baby arrives? I'm convinced that we as mommy's are a little devious that way and secretly get a laugh out of the anticipation of new mommy's finding this out for themselves. I'll admit to secretly laughing in my head at this thought when friends tell me they are expecting for the first time, but I also talk about the poop. Hiding such things from these happy soon to be mommy's is just plain mean because lets face it, there's a hell of a lot about mommy hood no one can be prepared for so let's not hide the poop! Thankfully, we are past the newborn days in this house and if I can help it we will not be revisiting those 12 poops per day ever again. Yet, for soon to be parents out there, the poop gets worse, yes, worse.... much, much worse! For instance, yesterday was one of those out loud exclamations of Holy God... sort of days. By nap time my day was full of poop, 5 to be exact, FIVE in 4 hours. No, no one is sick (that I can tell) it was a perfectly normal type of poop sort of day. What boggled my mind, more than usual, was that the main culprit, HE who I won't embarrass in 15 years by using his name, has been an all out PITA when it comes to eating for the past few days. (Pain In The Ass, yup I lovingly call my kids pita's) Seriously though, how is it possible to poop 3 times in 4 hours, with another one for good measure last night, when you are barely eating?! The funny part is it's the other one we worry about. Those of you who know us know my daughter has had a variety of digestive issues since birth. Both my kids are reflux babies which they are not "outgrowing" but Rylie, in my opinion, (despite doctors never wanting the mom's expertise) seems to have IBS (irritable bowel). Since she is an extremely picky eater we are constantly having to keep track of how she's pooping to add more of something or less of something, thus the no more cheese text mentioned above.
As you can see, I feel it's realistic to guesstimate that 50% our days here in the Hoosier house consist of thinking about, talking about and changing poop. Any future mommy's out there, have no fear there's plenty of other fun things to fill the other 50% of your thoughts and conversations. I mentioned the reflux in this house so puke is an issue from time to time. Speaking of puke, Rylie hit a milestone last week.. her first major puking episode... in the car... for no reason. I had just been reading reviews a month or so before trying to decide what big boy car seat to buy my son and one commented about not being able to get puke out from the base of the seat and I thought, I wonder what's wrong with their kid for this to ever be an issue, they must get car sick, mine don't so no biggie. So, I bought that one. Of course there's pee too. A few days ago, just before bedtime, I went to put my son's pj's on and found a surprise poop. The surprise ones are lots of fun. In the 30 seconds it took me to go grab an extra wipe I came back to his surprised little expression. As we both looked down, in that instant of me realizing what his cute expression was about he realized what fun it would be to kick his feet in the puddle. I mentioned this was at bedtime, right? Oh and Craig was out at a work dinner. How do single mom's do this?! Bless their hearts. Then there's the tantrums, the toddler practicing her wrestling moves on the newly mobile baby, the spitting and throwing food, the grabbing the dogs nub (we have a boxer) and hearing "butt", yup, you just touched the dog's butt hole, that's right baby, fabulous.There's the taking your best guess to stop the damn screaming as to whether they are sick, teething, in pain, too hot, too cold, want held, want put down, are tired, or just being a plain old PITA! Trust me, the lists are endless for things you can fill the other 50% of your thoughts and conversations with, but I'm here to be honest, and poop is a huge part of parenthood! At least right now it is.
Sometimes I fear that my honesty about parenthood may somehow result in a population crisis someday, you know if all the people I tell these stories to plus if some 1 million people read this...hey, anything is possible, so just in case I thought some giggles might help.
Well, it's a beautiful day and I'm running out of nap time freedom so I better go clean up all the dog poop in the yard. Yup, just another poopy day in paradise!
PS- Craig was very upset I left out the farts, he specifically said, What about the farts, what about the farts?! You have to talk about the farts!
Yes, yes, the farts. Truth: You can hear tiny little 6lb babies fart from across the room. I'm talking old man farts. If someone would have told me that 3 years ago I would not have believed them. Hmm, maybe that's why no one warned us.
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Namaste!
Jaci