Now, if many people actually read my blog I would imagine this might spark some hate messages but this is a blog of truth and the truth is, I don't find beauty in this picture. The poem below it is very sweet but MANY mom's I know (and don't know) couldn't wait for their pregnancies to be over. And not just that last month when we all just want the baby OUT! For some women, every minute of their pregnancy is filled with nausea, pain, in inability to sleep, maybe worry over serious health conditions or overall it just simply sucked. Imagine if those same women were unfortunate enough to end up scared with stretch marks too. Where's the beauty in that? The beauty is in our kids, not the scars. For me anyway.
Yes, I understand that's sort of the point of this picture but you don't have to find the scars all over your abdomen "beautiful" in any way, even symbolically, in order to cherish every moment of your child. I sure don't look at my pitiful boobs and think, oh they are beautiful and only look like this because they nourished each of my babies for a year or more. I'm very proud I stuck with breast feeding for so long, it's one of the few things that makes me proud as a mom actually, but it doesn't make me cherish those moments less because I don't like how my boobs look now! Just like it doesn't make a mom love her child any less if she resents her body for looking like this (picture). The two are simply not mutually exclusive.
I was fortunate not to get permanent stretch marks and really only had a couple by the end of each pregnancy. But if I had, I wouldn't find them beautiful. In fact, I would be really upset about them. I would feel self conscious and probably even a bit less attractive. While I think it's awesome that this mom embraces her pregnancy scars and I don't feel mom's with such battle wounds are unattractive by any means. It takes more than scars to make a person unattractive as a human being. This is simply how I would feel. I find it hard to believe there aren't a whole lot of other mommy's out there with this same mindset, especially those who do bear such scars. And even more so if they also felt those nine months were absolute torture.
Now, I was also one of those mom's who loved being pregnant, the first time around anyway. Well, I should say the first time I made it through the first trimester. After two miscarriages I was very concerned it may be more than simply some awful luck but once I felt my daughter move for the first time I LOVED being pregnant, despite feeling pretty crappy for a good 18 weeks, some really awful pains early on and until the end and constant worry of losing her too. Now, my son's pregnancy was a different story. Though the magic of feeling your baby grow and move makes it difficult for me to say it was all out torture, so lets just say I didn't love that pregnancy.
Given I had healthy, for the most part easy pregnancies that did not result is permanent scaring, some might ask why am I even weighing in? Some might think I'm being unfair or even judgemental. It's in part because I feel like pictures like these on facebook, along with status's like, repost if you love your kids or don't care that you gave up your salon cuts and nights out, blah, blah... add to the seemingly never ending mommy guilt. I certainly felt some pressure to hit "like" and wondered if I should or if it made me lesser of a mom because I didn't find this picture beautiful. I actually thought, people really like this? Maybe something's wrong with me. I'm not a fan of the mommy guilt or perpetuating it in any way and wondered how many mom's felt peer pressured in a way, which made me feel bad, so.... I'm weighing in, and giving the other side, because this is the truth too.
The truth, I don't have stretch marks but my belly button isn't exactly attractive now, not that belly buttons are all that sexy to begin with. But if I ever decided to flash back to my 20's and put my belly ring back in, it wouldn't be sexy, to me. Though I'm currently a bit underweight my daughter looked at my belly before getting in the shower yesterday and said "baby". Um yeah, nice. Thanks darling. Gotta love kids honesty. I still have that "baby belly" which I hate but at some point I decided I was too tired to do sit ups every night, the mommy and baby workout video doesn't work so well with a toddler running around and getting to yoga is a challenge with two. So, at some point I gave up on the exercise part but that doesn't mean I have to like that baby belly or think, oh my sweet beautiful babies were in there and that's why I can't get my body back. No, I don't think it's beautiful and at some point I'll find the energy I need to feel good about the way I look again. Most mommy's won't ever look the same, to others we might, but how we feel about ourselves is the only opinion that really matters.
I should mention that I could describe myself with many words but one thing I know I'm not is vein. I'm actually quite the opposite and more of a plain Jane, or plain Jaci. I have never worn more than concealer when needed to cover my awful acne and scars from picking at it. Which is why I know I would feel self conscious over scars, I am every day. I tried some make up at various points in my life and to be honest I think I'm prettier with a bit of eye liner, mascara and some lip gloss. That's not much, and it certainly doesn't take long to put that on and I wash my face before bed every night anyway, but I just can't be bothered. It feels like a waste of time and one thing I despise is wasting precious time.
I also have no style. I wear some sort of lounge pant most days which can convert from hanging at home pants, sleeping clothes, not looking like a total bum at the grocery store and yoga attire if I get the chance. I prefer tee shirts or tank tops in the summer or some other super casual long sleeve shirt, which I can also wear to yoga. Like most women, I have many shoes, but I wear flip flops as long as the weather allows and tennies the rest of the time, for the most part. I'm quite plain. I know this. I wish I had style. I look at other's styles and think, I like that, but I rarely go shopping for myself and feel that the cost of things for just staying home or going to the park or having the kids wipe their peanut putter hands or boogers on me is a bit ridiculous. Despite having a love for designer purses, Coach in particular, I buy one purse every couple years or so and I NEVER switch purses to match outfits. Too much effort and what's the point really? To me, that equates to a waste of time.
I'm A LOT of things but vein is not one of them so I don't feel troubled to say I'm not a fan of this picture.
Though, I also know that a person has to feel good about how they look, for themself, in order to just feel good. That doesn't mean you have to meet some Vogue "standard", you just have to meet your standard. That is why I respect the mom in this picture and the mom's who genuinely "liked" this picture. It's also why I respect the mom's, or anyone, who chooses to find anyway possible to feel good about themselves, including the way they look. If someone wants botox, a boob job, puts make up on every day even if they are just staying home, goes shopping every week for new clothes, or maybe a different approach and doesn't take any type of medication, doesn't eat meat, runs every day..... whatever. Whatever makes you happy! We can't be good mom's if we feel shitty about ourselves. I know this for a fact.
So, I say to each his own, love yourself and feel beautiful but that doesn't mean all us mommy's have to "like" the same thing to be good and loving mommy's who cherish our babies and feel good about ourselves.
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Namaste!
Jaci