I honestly can't remember exactly what I was writing in my head last night and as I try to, I realize my chatter has far from lessened, if anything it's worse. It's scattered though, which is not typical. I tend to obsess on topics until I get them out but instead they are skipping around, sort of how Craig flips though the channels when we watch tv. Or how he turns off a movie or show just before it ends, if we know how it ends. It's annoying, very annoying. Both the skipping thoughts and the flipping channels thing. I can't seem to finish a thought before I jump into the next and the next and the next... no wonder I have writers block!
I also have been working on Caleb's 1st year photo book. Sort of my newest obsession because I feel bad that Rylie's was done except for her birthday page the 1st year and close to it last year. In some way it feels like I somehow favored her, or maybe I feel lazy. Either way, really, I just don't have the time, and I know that, but it still bugs me. Plus, a bit of my perfectionistic side comes out with these darn books, despite never feeling they are perfect once I'm done, but rather I settle with an... I'm sick of working on this, it's good enough. So tonight, I decided to take a break and try to finish a thought rather than obsess over his 1st year photo book being perfect and it turns out, I'm not doing a real bang up job focusing either! If you can stick with me here I'll try harder with that, but I'm not making any promises.
I'm not sure what's wrong, part of me doesn't want to write, part of me feels I have nothing to write about, even though my head is swirling and I know I need to. It was a busy week. Nice weather means all the typical plus getting outside which means extra clean ups and baths and rushing to get meals made and naps in and to bed on time...I'm exhausted! And we had two doctor appointments this week. One we had to be there by 9am. I consider 9am no better than 7am, for those who think that's not so bad. So, this must be it. I'm just exhausted. And feeling old due to a bunch of aches and pains and now high cholesterol. High cholesterol! I'm trying to come to terms with not eating my excessive amounts of sweets everyday. That's how I'm surviving these early mommy years, I thought my body understood that and would allow me to have my caffeine and sugar indulgences for at least a few more years before I had to cut back, but I guess not. It's a bit depressing actually. This wasn't the only life changing event this week though. Come to think of it, this was probably lower on the totem pole of BIG, life changing events in the Hoosier house this week.
Rylie had her 1st dentist appointment. I'm always nervous about how she will act at things like this because it can really go either way. Since this appointment was a, take it because we have a cancellation and who knows when we can get you in if not, type of appointments, it was during nap. Mommy nightmare. I tried to prepare as best I could but held my breath all morning and took a deep breath as we walked through the office door at 1:20. In typical fashion she stunned me with the unexpected. She behaved like a 2 year old any parent would be proud to say, yeah that's my kid, despite being there for nearly two hours.
Unfortunately, and thankfully at the same time, the dentist said, no more binky! Uh oh, I thought, the rest of this week is going to Suck, yes with a capitol S. The dentist told her she needed to mail her binky to a baby that needed them because she was a big girl now. We stuck with that plan and had Rylie color her envelope that read, "bye bye binkie" (because dad spelled it), she then peeled and sealed it and we took the envelope to our mailbox before bed. Once again, the unexpected happened. After minimal whining for about 30 minutes she simply went to sleep. She went to sleep without her freaking binky! Craig and I just sat in shock. Honestly, I'm still in shock.
Now, she did wake up a couple times and once she cried enough to wake Caleb. That part was the sucking part I feared, yet it still wasn't as bad as expected. Then, the next night she asked once, we reminded her that we mailed them, she thought about it and went to bed. She went to bed without her binky... again! She also decided that her binky and blanky were a package deal I guess, because she stopped asking for it as well and even when it's in the bed she acts like it's no big thing. Her blanky. no. big. thing. As facebook friends know, I'm wondering what sort of drugs they put in that fluoride treatment because it transformed her into this new child I do not recognize, but am certainly not complaining about. I suggested, tongue in cheek, that we make another appointment so the dentist could tell her it's time to sleep in her own bed now.
Funny story, on the third night of no binky, that is precisely what she decided it was time to start doing! She asked and went to her own room and went to sleep without her binky or her blanky, in her big girl bed! What the heck is going on?! I still can't answer that question without at least considering the dentist was some sort of secret toddler whisperer, an alien is involved or as previously mentioned, the fluoride was laced with a calm and cooperative agent, but I am loving it, whatever it is!
The BIG changes didn't end with Rylie deciding to become this easy going, low(er) maintenance little girl, oh no, we had some sibling rivalry going on as brother bear decided he would join in the action and start walking! Not taking steps here and there but the official "he's walking" sort of walking. While always an exciting milestone I couldn't help but hold my breath a bit once again as I thought, oh gosh, and it begins. The insanity gets more insane AND my baby isn't a "baby" anymore 'and it begins' type of thought. Oy, mama bear's gonna need to start dying these grays that keep popping out a little sooner than I hoped!
Hmmm, I am now wondering why I've had such difficulty picking up my gratitude journal this week because from what I can tell, I have a lot to be grateful for! In addition to all these big, my babies are growing up way too fast changes, Craig also received interesting news at work, which I will update at another time and I found out Uncle Bob's cancer medication is showing signs that it is effective, which is truly a miracle. We also have nearly finished our 32 item to do list, which makes me smile and Craig has been running for a week now, literally running, 2 miles, five times in a week! This has been a long talked about replacement coping skill so I'm very grateful he has chosen to start doing something healthy for himself.
I also now realize why I've been so scattered...while all of these things I'm grateful for are truly awesome, remarkable, make me smile and warm my heart, some of you may have seen what I just did upon reading this...none of these things have anything to do with just me. I think the flipping channels too fast thing going on in my head is me getting stuck from not working on myself or my own recovery, as I like to call it (before I even knew that's what Al-Anon calls it)
I think this week I need to focus on me just a little, find things about me and for me I can add to my gratitude list and get out of my little debbie downer rut I found myself lately
Writing when I don't want to always seems to be the solution when I can't pinpoint the problem. Yay me for forcing myself to sit at the computer tonight (and going to bed much too late because of it.) And thank you for sticking with me, if you managed to push through my scattered thoughts and crazy week of big changes!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Namaste!
Jaci