what goes around comes around

I recently read an article/blog post by a mom saying she was sorry for all her pre-kid judgements on parents. Ironically, Craig and I were just laughing about some of ours. While this mommy had some good points, funny ones that I said, "yup, I thought that too", I think I had a tendency to judge more in terms of behavior than the specifics of say, to breast feed or not. Probably because I didn't know about much more than child development and behaviors, and pre-kid Jaci seemed to think this was all I really needed to know! Ha.

I clearly remember conversations with professors and supervisors over my frustration when parents would question if I had children. I would think, I know what I'm doing, I've spent many years, a lot of money ensuring a quality education and I have ample experience, not to mention I am told I'm pretty darn good at what I do so, who the hell cares if I have kids? I didn't think it should matter, it would be like going to a counselor to work through your grief not thinking they could really help if they never experienced a loss. I still contend that you don't have to have kids to be successful in my career field but man, being a parent sure comes with a whole new outlook on things! To be honest, I think I would be worse as a behavior specialist now because I know that being consistent all the time is damn near impossible, except maybe for those super moms out there, which I am not.

I used to look at other's kids and think, Oh my gosh! My kid will never act like that, especially not in public! Or, if my kid yells like that or says "no" they'll be in their room so fast. And my favorite, my kid will eat what I make for everyone or they won't eat. Definitely laughing in my head right now! Then there were the thoughts like geez, they could at least wipe his face or brush her hair. Or, why don't they put socks on him, and come on, those are clearly pajamas, you can't take 5 minutes to dress them? Even funnier than these behavior type judgements is that I was uncomfortable with the idea of breast feeding, which has by far been the most natural thing I've experienced with parenting yet! When mommy friends would express some of their frustrations I would think, what do you mean you don't have time to clean or get a shower?  Can't you get the things done you need to once you put your kid to bed or better yet, put them on your schedule and make it work, HAHA! I never could understand why one of my friends needed a suburban for 2 kids, I mean is it really necessary to have so many dang strollers?! While I still contend that a suburban is a bit of an overkill, I switched to an SUV pretty darn quick after #2 arrived. How did our parents do it? Oh right, no car seats and a little umbrella stroller was all you needed to leave the house!

I didn't know about all the things parents are bombarded with even before the baby arrives, so I couldn't judge which was better. Cry it out, make your own baby food, those walkers we all used being a danger, 86 the cute crib bumpers, which by the way, I still do not understand why every baby bedding set comes with bumpers when all the main players who give us the latest and greatest in how to keep our darlings safe warn us about using them! Big pet peeve of mine. Anyway, in hindsight, all I knew for sure was I would never get a minivan! Well, and of course, after being a behavior specialist for a couple years, I also knew if my kid threw a fit in a store I would leave and come back later and if they tantrum at home, time outs work. After all, I've taught how to implement a time out properly and have seen them work rather quickly when consistently done appropriately.... Well, let's just say, I don't drive a minivan. Short of a moment of insanity or missing the baby days in a couple years, combined with God having a very sick sense of humor and turning that moment of insanity into twins, the "no minivan" will probably be the only pre-kid thing I ever knew for sure.

Oh my, my, how quickly life changes. Another thing I judged. I mean, sure things will change when we have kids, but how much can possibly change? Ummm, EVERYTHING! Oh and being told parenting is the "hardest thing I've ever done", wow, I was super self righteous with that one! I thought, sure, you worry and have added responsibility and maybe lose a little sleep from time to time, but how "hard" can it be? HAHAHA. Biggest laugh of all! With all this change I find I've now turned my judgments towards all those poor unknowing non-kid people. I often shake my head in wonderment if we seemed as ridiculous to parents back then, you know, way back in that nearly forgotten life from less than 3 years ago!

Seriously though, who gives a 9 month old a kids menu and crayons? Don't these people know babies  prefer to eat crayons rather than color with them at this age? And what is wrong with the waiter who puts our drinks within reach of the kids, or their hot plate right in front of them, really? I judge the people on the plane who you see looking very annoyed or whispering, why can't they make their kid stop screaming or questioning why people fly with little kids. Clearly they never had kids. What, we should just lock ourselves in our homes until our kids can act appropriate at all times? I judge those non-kid friends who eventually stop calling after multiple times of saying you can't meet up at a bar or spend an afternoon at a winery or go to a concert or come over around 8 (when the baby goes to bed at 8:30). No, I can't just lay my kid down to go to sleep in your bed, yes, some kids do sleep anywhere, but mine don't. Hell, we are lucky if Rylie sleeps at all, I'm not going to mess with that for anything! I judge those non-kid people who expect you to come visit them or think that spending a weekend with us is easy breezy. Yes, I have a schedule and no, my kids don't fair very well when we drastically deviate from it. I'm not rigid with it, (anymore) two will do that to ya, but I still try to stick to our schedule the best we can to avoid lots of tears, whining, napless days, sleepless nights and a heck of a mess when we try to get back on track.

I try not to judge anyone so maybe this isn't so much judgement as it is annoyance really. Not just annoyance at the non-kid people because it seems many with grown kids have forgotten what life is like with kids not yet school age. They don't know or seem to have forgot that kids don't always just go with the flow of what the adults want and that you can't force your toddler to do whatever you want them to. Well, you can force them,  but  it's not pretty! And just because your two year old doesn't do what you ask it doesn't mean you are an incompetent parent. Sure, some parents could use a parenting class but even those of us who are trained to teach such a class aren't toddler whisperers. Not every non-kid person is this way of course, I know plenty of people who have an idea of what it's like but they also are the first to admit they can't even imagine....no, no, my friends, you are right, you really can't imagine.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined this. Most days I think, wow, this is my life now, actually Craig and I have said that out loud many times. Followed up by, this is our life for another 17 years...oy vey!

Post kid, I am now convinced friends and strangers alike are so excited when someone is expecting their first and our parents are so overjoyed to be grandparents (other than adoring our little darlings) because they are secretly laughing at our pre-kid notions and maybe even arrogance, which is about to be shattered.

So, I'm not exactly sorry for my erroneous pre-kid thoughts because non-kid people will always have their preconceived notions of what parenting is and we will "judge" them as we quickly forget what our pre-kid world was like. Everyone who becomes a parent, at some point, joins the ranks of, holy !#*?, this is what parenting is?! and at 9am, really? What goes around comes around, so it all evens out in the end.